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Virtual 10 Miler CSAUP or We’ve Been Catfished

What is a CSAUP?  It stands for Completely Stupid And Utterly Pointless

Why do we do CSAUPs?  Who knows really?  Why are trees good?  Why is the sun good?

It’s Quarantine life and so actual CSAUPs don’t occur anymore, they are virtual.  And with the age of the internet comes scams and catfishing.

5:26pm on Wednesday night we get a text from someone claiming to be Wolverine asking us to take part in a Virtual 10 Miler.  All we have to do is log a 2 mile time trial/run sometime in the next 48 hours or so and send it to him to post.  Seems simple enough right?

Honestly, I didn’t really feel like getting up the next morning to run my first 2 mile time trial since high school for a race I don’t know really exists but hey, it’s not like Wolverine was asking me to deposit a check from overseas and then give him 10% immediately so I thought it was a low risk situation.

Bottlecap, Dasher, Deadwood, and Easy Button were just as easily fooled pumped to participate and agreed without much fight to also run a 2 mile time trial for a race they weren’t sure even existed.

I had work to do the next morning so I headed out before the rest around 10am to Champion Forest because if you are going to be a Champion, well….

Champion Forest is one of my favorite running neighborhoods because the roads are in good shape, wide, and there is minimal vehicular traffic.  Also, from Cuthbertson Rd. to the end of the neighborhood is a perfect 1 mile section and you can loop back up and do another 1 mile loop which makes for a perfect 2 miles.

I started out with Speed Bump by my side on his bike and off we went.  The first mile is pretty flat to downhill with only one little hill so it was a quick 5:52 pace.  However, taking that right turn on Dobson to head back up after a mile is pure uphill and pure misery.  Oh, and there was headwind, not cool.  The pace definitely drifted above 6 minutes on that section but I knew I had the final flat/downhill section after I made the turn back on Waynewood at 1.5 miles.  That part still hurt but I had to push it do get the pace back down below 6 miles and ended up finishing my 2 miles in 11:52.

Bottlecap, Dasher, Easy Button, and Wolverine ran next at 11:30am.  I wasn’t there but I can assume Wolverine took off screaming down the hill at the start giving the rest a nice rabbit to chase.  I can also assume that the first mile seemed pretty ok until that right turn on Dobson with the headwind and the gut check was realized.  Everyone had great times with Wolverine at 11:58, Bottlecap at 12:22, Easy Button at 12:36, and Dasher at 13:04.  All Sub 7 minute miles (with Wolverine sub 6).  Excellent job everyone.

Deadwood ended up completing his time trial at Champion Forest the next morning with his 2.0 Big Bow on her bike as well.  I wasn’t there either but I heard Big Bow dropped his phone a ½ mile in and he had to keep going because once your start your time, you can’t stop or you will be DQed.  Also, no one wants to repeat this thing either.  I’m also assuming the first mile went well until he rounded that turn on Dobson and felt the punch in the gut, use your quads!  No worries because he clocked in a great time at 12:24 with a 6:12 overall pace.

We then somehow realized through this process that Wolverine is not really on our team but maybe some sort of running pimp or Catfisherman.  So, I don’t think his time counted for our team.  That being said, our five members of Bottlecap, Deadwood, Dasher, Gerber, and Easy Button finished 10 miles in 1:02.16 and a average pace of like 6:13.


As I type this I am not really sure who our results are being sent so, what they will do with them, how they will be tallied, or if there was even a race to begin with.

What I do know is that this virtual race or catfish or whatever it was helped break up the monotony of quarantine life.   It took me out of my comfort zone, made me push myself, and it felt good to be part of a team, even if it was virtual, or just a big scam.

Thanks to Wolverine for suckering asking us to take part and for the other four idiots high impact men who decided at a moments notice to take part as well and push themselves, get out of their comfort zone, and be better for it.

Also, thanks to the 2.0s of Big Bow and Speed Bump for participating and being forced willing to come along with us on our crazy adventures.

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