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A lesson in fire ant bite protection

DiCCS given (Disclaimer, Cell Phone, CPR, Safety).  YHC mentioned we’d be crossing Providence during the Safety portion of DiCCS, thinking this would be the most dangerous part of the workout.  Boy was I wrong.  Here’s what went down…

Warm Up

Mosey down to ABC parking lot.  20 SSH, Jimmy Dugans, Calf Stretch, 20 Merkins, some Moroccan nightclubs.

The Thang

Mosey to hill adjacent to apartment parking lot.  7’s.  Squats/Bobby Hurleys.    After a few reps, I gave the Q to Fusebox.  I knew if I continued with any more Bobby Hurley’s (jump squats) I was going to empty my dignity in my pants or in a nearby bush.  Being that I am known to succumb to these bouts of intestinal rage I strategically started the morning by the Quick Trip Gas Station, whose facility was top notch by the way.  Upon my return I find the PAX back in the ABC parking lot doing T Merkins.

YHC takes back the reigns and off we mosey to the traffic light on Providence.  I shouted “We all cross at once”.  And by that I mean when I go.  Well, thank goodness the Pax have a lot more common sense than I and waited until we had the light to cross.  Obviously my bout in the Quick Trip office drained any sense out of me as I began a game of frogger as I crossed Providence Rd.

Anyway, we continue en route to our destination, the hand rails/guard rails at the top of the Bank of America parking lot.  I saw this the day prior during my scouting mission of the AO and thought wow, we could get in a whole bunch of supines.  I called 25 Supines, 25 Merkins, Rinse and Repeat for a total of 75 each.  At this point Fusebox let me know they did 100 merkins in the ABC parking lot during my potty break.  Audible to 15 each, still 3 sets.

Here’s where it goes awry.  Transporter begins screaming like he’s being eaten alive after the first set.  Seems he laid down on a Fire Ant hill (was still dark out) during supines and the whole pile of aunts decided to scatter about Transporter’s body and begin biting him.  He takes off his shirt and is flailing about, slapping his chest and neck.  He continues to slap a few off and pushes through the set.

Next mosey to parking lot in front of bank. Bear crawl length of parking lot.  20 WW2 sit ups (Big Boy sit ups in Waxhaw parlance).  Crawl Bear back to start, another 20 big boys.  Again, Transporter lets out an even greater shrill, he begins stripping off articles of clothing, shirt, socks, shoes, shorts.  At this point it was evident the ants were ALL over his body.  So, several of the Pax rushed over and began patting and slapping the naked body (he did leave on his tighty whities) of this grown man, right on Providence road at the beginning of the morning rush hour.  All awhile Transporter pranced and danced around, screaming in pain (though from a far I’m sure it looked like a man in Ecstasy dancing in delight as 5 other sweaty men slapped and rubbed all parts of his body).  We finish up here (removing ants and the exercises) and mosey across Providence, back into Waverly.

Mosey in front of Whole Foods.  YHC instructs pax to form a line facing Whole Foods.  25 Monkey Humpers.  Oh, did I mention right behind us, about 25 yards was a group of folks doing a paid bootcamp class.  What better way to say Good Morning than 8 men showing you the proper form of Monkey Humpers.  Transporter didn’t feel comfortable with the Monkey Humpers in front of of this group of fellow athletes.   As always, modify as needed (but I did remind him he just stripped down and was patted down by several grown men on a very busy street in south Charlotte).

Mosey to parking deck behind Whole Foods.  Circle up.  30 LBC’s in cadence.  Next, 5 squats, run up to next deck, 5 squats at every turn until we reach the top of the parking deck.  Once on the top deck, grab some wall.  40 donkey kicks, 10 Mike Tysons.  Mosey back to COT, again with 5 squats at the beginning of each parking deck.  Arrive at COT.  Circle up.  40 flutters, 20 merkins, have a nice day.


Everyone pushed hard.  YHC especially at the Quick Trip.

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