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Say hello to my little friends

18 men showed up for Ignition to get out of their comfort zones. Everyone grabbed a couple friends for the trip, explored some new territory, did some partner chases and exercises, and ended up with about 5.75 miles.

Spirits seemed good at the beginning of the workout. Hollywood announced at the start, “I feel the need — the need for speed.” Carb Load added, “fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.” But Easy Button just grinned, ominously staring at his bricks, repeating “say hello to my little friends.”

As we started the partner chases, there was a lot of idle chatter. Gerber nonchalantly remarked, “one morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know.” His partner Glidah replied, “you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?” Stinger knowingly nodded, “keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.”

Not everyone fully participated. Bottlecap kept yelling at people, “I’m walking here! I’m walking here!” Cobbler empathized, “well, nobody’s perfect.”

In the middle, there was a lot of arguing. Smithers complained, “what we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.” Goodfella raged, “well here’s another nice mess you’ve gotten me into!” Premature gasped, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore.” Zinfandel menaced, “a Q once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some Dava beans and a nice Chianti.”

After we finished, a few seemed pretty pleased. Foundation just smiled and said of the workout that it was “the stuff that dreams are made of.” Cobbler said of Ignition, “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” Easy Button looked sideways at me and said, “why don’t you come up sometime and see me sometime?” This generally made me uncomfortable. Chastain kept looking at his bricks, calling them “my precious.”

Others were downright euphoric. Transporter exclaimed, “I am big! It’s the pictures that got small.” Dasher thought he deserved something for his efforts, hands in the air yelling, “show me the money.” Wolverine looked with pity at the rest of us, “you can’t handle the truth.” Not sure why Chastain kept repeating, “I see dead people.”

Unfortunately, others left with the apparent need for self reflection. Stinger said unfairly of himself, “I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.” Glidah shuffled his feet, saying “I want to be alone.” Hollywide smiled confusingly, adding “a boy’s best friend is his mother.” Bottlecap pointed at me, spitting “nobody puts baby in a corner.” I would have apologized, but love means never having to say you are sorry. Whatever you do, don’t give up. After all, tomorrow is another day.

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