Skip to content

Hump day hurray!

AO: Off__Chain
Q: Titanium Plates
PAX: Cartel, Southern Tip – Brent, Magnolia, Zinfandel, Endo, Dasher – Jeff Green, Rag, Kodak, Stretcher
FNGs: None
COUNT: 10
WARMUP: dic n drop

THE THANG:

ten middle aged men with silly nicknames, showed up to a Parking lot in a suburb neighborhood to ride mountain bikes…. How did that happen?

So about a year ago, there was about 150 acres of woods around the high school and Lawson –  that only deer, a couple ten year old boys (yielding red riders and pops fishing pole), and a handful of shade seeking XC runners knew about or used.    The animals that dared call it home, vilified by Lawson Facebook posts, “is this a good snake?”, “be careful, there is a hawk that could eat your fur baby!”, “I swear I saw a cougar!”, “those deer always eat my flowers!”, found out the hard way what a Mountain biker is… an annoying and persistent dude who wakes you up every morning flying through the trees with the greatest of ease.

Over the last year, trail fairies have been busy little bees secretly and carefully carving out miles and miles of rogue single track trails in every corner of undevelopedable (according to army core of engineers) real estate… all made from scratch, sorta like grandmas secret cookie recipe.   Ain’t no Betty crocker box of cake mix here bitches.   The trails are not marked, or found on local maps or apps- only advertised and shared word-of-mouth by those who know and the occasional strava subscriber.  Or show up to Off the Chain!   If you don’t know someone who knows, you’ll miss out on miles of flow, that never closes, you’ll never know, right in your backyard.  

So we had a couple FNGs to Off the Chain who are hard pipe hittin F3 veterans Zinfandel and Dasher – taking their virgin voyage into the dirt lined woods- trusting that some 6’6” 210 lbs Hungarian love muscle on Q would curate a fabulous 2 wheel experience.  Probably let down…. But this ain’t Sherman!

Two more BAX came out of retirement Rag and Southern Tip to compliment the crew with the familiar faces.

The lead out was fast and furious with quasi peloton like coordination tight unto a dish through cutty connector.  

Past the wild hogs bridge and up the hill – Whats behind door number 3 Kidz?
Down outer line 1 to poco loop and down to “what’s behind door number 2 snake route?”

I mean if you can ride that up, you can ride anything in town… and of course everyone did so count your blessings, name them one by one.  Speaking of blessings, these trails are effectively yours – make them what you want them to be until someone shuts them down like the Karen did poker night and the hot pockets at the pool snack shack.
Sorry, you may be married to her but this is f3, you can’t sue me, but maybe you can ban me from writing these back blasts.  Several bax actually hit the pallet jump which was basically put there by a trail fairy too lazy to go dig a hole and put it where it’s supposed to go.  Clavicle corner, mini gap with no one casing it, but clearly will launch yo into a tree but no casualties!

Came back through Ricky Ricardo’s double bed, over Mubareks peace bridge, through slash and burn and past the creepy dude hide out to sidewalk conflict couple- bad timing on the concrete but off camber pedal strikes on a cliff will result in someone taking a drink some day.  Speaking of drink, I heard it’s beer 30 at least 6 times so I had to add another couple hills to let it steep.

Back to Howard’s mill and cross the creek to lenny, dont pet the rabbits, hill.  To my surprise, everyone but FNG to off the chain Zinfandel begged to take all the hills!  Yeah boi!  Summa time and the livins easy, Ridiez on the mountain bike with yours truly, all the people get on yo saddle agree, they were qualified to represent the best of F3, me, me and lawee
We go run to the party
And dance to the rhythm
It gets harder…. Yeah going up the easy middle right, down gupys gap, up miners sorrow, down don’t get shot by s hunter next month, back to log roll, wall hit, creek splash – no this ain’t Sherman🧐

To my shagrin, endo, magnolia, Kodak were in like Flynn dropping the cliff!  Not gonna do it, it wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture….

Back to parking lot up grassy knoll… oh boi did we earn the cold ones.    Stretcher came ready with grand rapids barley to share – thanks sir!
Good 2nd F hang and we had fire dababy hits crackin from random teens on the playground – yeet!
MARY:
ANNOUNCEMENTS: I heard Christs closet and keg this weekend

Next weekend Bikes Beer and Burgers at Rockwells 6pm ride or 7pm cookout.
COT:my wife needs a mtb

(No Ratings Yet)
Loading...