Fitness, Fellowship, Faith
Fitness, Fellowship, Faith
Slow fades
>>Little things over the years that erode a marriage
>>“You don’t notice when your hearts are being pulled apart ¼ inch at a time”
Even 80/80 marriages have problems
Sometimes, instead of radical generosity, you have to say “things aren’t working out”
Radical generosity ALSO includes revealing the negative feelings (lines up with Q Source of Candor)
>>Clears UNNECESSARY friction in marriage
>>Failing to address these small issues cause small separations
Potholes ➡ Sinkholes ➡ Assholes
High risk in revealing because you’re sharing bitterness, anger, resentment
>>If done wrong, can damage the relationship
>>If done well, can bring y’all closer together
Ask: How big of a problem is this?
🕳Potholes = slow fades
>>Frequent
>>Annoying
>>Manageable
>>Usually fixable
🕳Sinkholes
>>Immediately explosive
>>Trigger intense negative emotion
>>Deeply rooted
>>Potholes can become sinkholes if ignored long enough
>>Unlikely to be resolved with Reveal & Request
>>May make it worse
>>Probably need professional help
Reveal & Request
1️⃣Notice when you’re out of synch when you feel:
>>Resentment
>>”Things are not fair”
>>Historical Crimes
>>Picking a fight over something meaningless
>>Blame partner for something out of their control
2️⃣Reveal
>>Share your emotion
>>Best to use an I statement
3️⃣Request
>>Tell your partner what 👉specific behavior👈 you need them to start or stop
++Pro Tips++
>>Go for a walk while doing Reveal & Request
>>Speak from radical generosity instead of anger
The response to a reveal & request
👍Good
>>Kindness / Acceptance of their/your feelings
>>Honesty if you/they can change the behavior
👎Bad
>>View it as an attack
>>Put up a wall
>>Do not affirm them
>>🚨Show that it’s not safe to be emotionally vulnerable with them🚨
Next Week – Chapter 8 Building a New Structure