AO: _3rd-f-leadership
Q: Posse
PAX: Punxsy, Fuse Box, Dunkin, Posse
FNGs: None
COUNT: 4
2/8: Pogo 40, :point_right:The Sifter:point_left:, & The Reacher
– The Sifter
– Loneliness
– Not from physical isolation (aloneness)
– Emotional isolation without deep bonds of fellowship with other men
– Most men don’t think this applies to them
– Plenty of people at work
– Lots of kids events
– Social media connections
– Family
– Religious organization
– May think they need more solitude
– My wife is my best friend (Pax split on this statement)
– Wife can’t add best friend to the list of all her other responsibilities
– You REALLY going to take ALL your problems to your wife?!?
– Sometimes you need another man to address issues with
– Sounds good to the culture, but has no weight to it
– Stylish way for Sad Clown to deny his loneliness
– Embarrassed to admit he doesn’t know how to make adult male friends
– They just forgot how
– Flour sifter
– Allows small particles to pass through until only the big chunks remain
– Analogous to life
– When life starts shaking the sifter, the superficial friendships fall through
– Work buddies disappear when one of you no longer work there
– 3 kinds of small particle friends
– Legacy Buddy
– Formed between elementary school & college
– When male friendships are expected & encouraged
– After this, culture expects men to go it alone
– Make wife your best friend
– Before the stresses of adult life start the sifting
– Usually become long distance friends
– Rarely seen in person
– Deep fellowship is now unlikely
– Need physical proximity for deep bonds
– Only calling him once you’re already in the ditch
– When it’s too late
– Man Dates
– Husbands of your wife’s girlfriend
– Not much different than your kid’s play date
– Y’all just watch TV instead
– Different in that we expect kids to have other friends outside of this play date
– Not adult men
– This is all we have
– Is proximate:white_check_mark:
– Very superficial:x:
– Not buddies because of similar character or interests
– Too closely tied to corresponding wife relationships
– When 1 man tells the other how his marriage is failing, it gets back around to the wives
– Potentially being forced to pick sides between wife & Man Date
– To prevent :point_up_2:, conversations must be kept superficial
– When a man would need another man the most, the Man Date can not be depended on
– Work Buddy
– Nothing wrong with making friends at work
– Just know they don’t survive The Sifter
– Unlikely to maintain friendships from previous jobs
– Still go out for drinks? Golf? Lunch?
– Deep male friendships require accountability
– Accountability requires transparency
– You are technically competing against your Work Buddy
– Prevents full transparency
– You need a large particle friend
– Will keep you out of the ditch
– Has to be physically close
– Without them, you will be a Humpty Dumpty
– Broken & can’t be put back together
– Culture says all adult male gatherings can only fall into 2 groups
– Church men’s retreat
– Drunk Vegas/golf/bachelor party weekend
– 1 or the other; nothing in between
– Otherwise, you’ll get questioned why women are excluded from your group
– You’re being childish & unfair to women
