[The Combine] Combine Performance Test 1.0

AO: The Combine
Q: Gasparilla , Jitterbug
PAX: Middleman, Easy Button, Damascus, Chaos, Avis, Jitterbug, Gerber, Zinfandel, Chicken Little, Maple Syrup, Catfish, Bottlecap, Shriver, Black Hat, Blue Screen of DEATH, Recalc, Gasparilla
FNGs:
COUNT: 17
What had happened was:

The Combine queue opened early this morning with bold promises:
🎽 Free Combine T-shirts for the first 10 HC’s in attendance.

Blue Screen of DEATH reportedly set up overnight to ensure a first-place finish in yet another category. His reward? A super schmedium Combine tee — tailored perfectly for maximum aerodynamics.

Speaking of shirts… we’ve got a few M and L remaining. Hit up YHC or JB if you want to rep the Combine in style.

The Warm-Up & The “Wrong Way” Mile
We opened with stretches, instructions, and a detailed breakdown of the CPT format.
Then we started the mile.
Facing the wrong direction.
Course corrected quickly and it was off to the races.
Huge shoutout to Kid Rock for providing a race timer clock that burned brighter than the Kenny Rogers Roasters chicken joint outside Kramer’s window. IYKYK.

The Combine Leadership Team (CLT)
Before we go further — big Tclaps for the entire Combine Leadership Team.
It takes a village to try new ish, make it fun, and make it impactful. And a lot of PAX stepped up behind the scenes to make this happen.
Who’s on the CLT?
Let’s just say we’re pushing a dozen strong — all committed to Make Combine Great for Now.

The Good, The Long, and The Learning
We learned a lot during our first CPT.
For those still keeping score… we went over by about 20 minutes. Yikes.
But by that point, we were too deep in the test to quit early – we’ve come too far to quit early on time.
On the flip side, we came in under on Bottlecap pulled hammy line, so there’s that.

What We Learned
– ChatGPT is a liar… sometimes
– Free F3 drip is a powerful incentive
– Staggered start times and station-based flow greatly improve efficiency
– Middleman has an absolute cannon for a leg
– Shriver needs heavier kettlebells (pretty sure he farmer-carried a full 5K)

What We Know
– The CPT is you vs. you
– It’s about building a faster, stronger, fitter you in 2026
– Results are confidential — but you’re free to share if you’d like
– Daily discipline is the path to progress
– It is shockingly easy to transfer 22K rubber pellets into Teeter on a Saturday
– 100% chance of sauna for Recalc today
– The next round of CPT will be even better

Thanks again to every HIM every who showed up, leaned in, embraced strict F.O.R.M., and took the first step toward measurable progress.

Baseline established.
Now we train with intention.
See you in the gloom
Gaspy & JB out 🏴‍☠️🪲